One year ago today we had our homestudy and went "on the shelf".
This is not a happy anniversary.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Thursday, September 2, 2010
This is gonna be ugly
It's been three months since we updated, and nothing has changed.
We are still just waiting.
And I am growing weary of this process. No one tells you at any of the meetings or classes how heartrending this process will be. And, our agency is offering little support in this regard. We were told to subscribe to an adoption focused magazine so that we could read some articles that should help us deal with the waiting. That was less than helpful. Also, though I know the sentiments are well intentioned, I do not want to be told again that "the waiting will all be worth it" or "it will happen in God's time". Because you know what? At this point, all I know is that waiting equals pain and sorrow, and no one knows what "God's time" is, and I need something more concrete than that. I need an answer. I need hope. I need something to hang onto. I need to be able to go upstairs in my own home and not cry over the empty unused room that is waiting for this child.
In two weeks, we will have been "on the shelf" for a year. What a horrid anniversary to celebrate. A year of nothingness.
In a few months, it will be two years since we started this whole process. I feel like we've gone nowhere.
I warned you. This was gonna be ugly. But this is me right now, and I am tired to smiling and saying that we are "just waiting" when I am falling apart. I am tired of putting up a good front, so here it is - all of my ugliness on display.
We are still just waiting.
And I am growing weary of this process. No one tells you at any of the meetings or classes how heartrending this process will be. And, our agency is offering little support in this regard. We were told to subscribe to an adoption focused magazine so that we could read some articles that should help us deal with the waiting. That was less than helpful. Also, though I know the sentiments are well intentioned, I do not want to be told again that "the waiting will all be worth it" or "it will happen in God's time". Because you know what? At this point, all I know is that waiting equals pain and sorrow, and no one knows what "God's time" is, and I need something more concrete than that. I need an answer. I need hope. I need something to hang onto. I need to be able to go upstairs in my own home and not cry over the empty unused room that is waiting for this child.
In two weeks, we will have been "on the shelf" for a year. What a horrid anniversary to celebrate. A year of nothingness.
In a few months, it will be two years since we started this whole process. I feel like we've gone nowhere.
I warned you. This was gonna be ugly. But this is me right now, and I am tired to smiling and saying that we are "just waiting" when I am falling apart. I am tired of putting up a good front, so here it is - all of my ugliness on display.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)